october 26th 2016, 1:44 am

you grew tired of me.

it is my fault
it has always been my fault
i'm sorry

october 10th 2016, 1:47 am

i would write hundreds and hundreds of love letters for you
days, nights, months, years,
they still wouldn't do justice to the way you make me feel-
happy, giddy, complete, light and free
and then you're not there
the love songs playing inside my head turn into screams of terror
and i'm finding myself grappling again,
for just an inch of you, to hold me steady in place
and the love letters turn into poetry
sad, painful and heartbreaking-
but still beautiful nonetheless

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

It is currently 12:26 am and I just finished reading this book, and my mind is still buzzing from the end of the book. If you have read this book you would know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, I honestly think you should. Soon. Like. As soon. As possible. I am honestly not good with writing book review, in fact I don't think i've ever written any book reviews for fun, it had always been for school assignment and I don't even think I'm doing it right, like I don't have the publisher and date published and stuff attached but, eh. I do what I wanna do.

Have you ever imagined what it would be like if our world was divided by blood? In this book, the world was. People are divided by blood, they have silver blood--the elite, the government, the king, and re lowly Reds--the workers. This story follows our main character, Mare Barrow, a Red--of fucking course--as she gets trapped in the palace, betrothed to the second prince, Maven. Mare is not a Silver, but as it turns out, she is something else entirely. She has powers and the King and Queen and their Princes are trying to hide it.
This book was a fast read for me, though it honestly took me months to finish. I finished the first half if this book like in September, then I had midterms and I was in charge of this event I had in university, then when that was finished I had finals so I really had no time to finish this and now I did and it feels like a huge victory I might treat a friend to lunch tomorrow, who knows. The plot twist in this book though, holy shit. Who would have thought, right?!?!?!?!?! If you wanted to find something to blow your mind away, this is the right book for you. honestly. #teamcalandmare5ever

I think I'm done. Sorry this was like.... Half assed. I'm tired. I need to go to sleep, and think about life.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!
- Mutiara Primaster
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May Inspo

May has graced us with her long awaited presence. Welcome, May!
As for me, I have been feeling quite demotivated for the past 2 weeks, all thanks to one boy who lives in the land of reasonably long wall and dumplings. It was hard, well it still is hard, but. I have been staying out late doing nothing—I would not want to go back to my standard-priced room if Shylla (my roommate) wasn't home. For the past week I always went back after 10. The reason I always go home right before 11 PM is because Kutek gate closes down at 11 and I do not want to wander around by foot in that place, hell na. It's dark and the crime rate is flying high at the moment; I don't need my mom to find an arm donor for me just because some young uneducated criminal cut down mine in the middle of the night 500 meters from my student housing building thing.
But, enough about the sappy stuff—that wasn't even sappy, but whatever. So here are things that I have been loving in the month of April; songs, books, videos, movies, truth be told at this second I still don't know what I'm gonna write on this post but I'm just gonna roll with it, ok?

1. The Script - Superheroes

When you've been fighting for it all your life // You've been struggling to make things right // That's how a superhero learns to fly // Every day // Every hour // Turn the pain into power

I have been listening to this song non stop for the past 2, 3 days. I know this is a p old song and I have been listening to this song a lot in the radio for weeks but. But. This song is helping me right now so screw me for wanting to know how a superhero learns to fly.

2. T-shirts with smartass typography

If you know me in real life, you would know that I never really wear tees. To classes that I go to half-assed, sure, but they were always T shirts for events where I was a participant or a committee. I never really spend money to buy T shirts but now I am pretty much obsessed with T shirts. It's weird. In 3 weeks time I probably will be back to wearing boring blouses and dresses and will only be using these T shirts to classes but hey. Let a girl shop what she wants to shop.

3. Jesse McCartney - The Second Star To The Right

Every time you need its light // It'll be there // To show the dreams you plan can come true

Can we talk about the little dance Jesse did in the beginning though? Dang, there's a reason I love him so much and that's one of them.

4. Stephanie Perkins - My True Love Gave To Me
I had been seeing reviews about this book for like forever, but couldn't find the link to download it anywhere. Last night I went to PIM with a friend to grab something to eat and he ran out of stationeries so he had to get new ones. We were in PIM, right, so naturally, I'd walk slower and with fixated eyes on the store display every time we walk pass Periplus. He didn't want to stop so I could go in, what a bummer. :( THEN, on our third time (I think) walking over the shop, he just went into the TV store that I can't remember the name of, the one right across Periplus. Being a good friend I walked in behind him and guess what he did? He just spent minutes looking at videos of flowers and waterfalls and weird trees on the TVs. So I did what I had to do—walk out of the TV store and into Periplus.
That's where I saw him. The book that I have been searching for for months. But they only had one copy and the wrap was already opened and I never buy books that are unwrapped. So I decided against it and when I tried to find it online this afternoon, I found it!
So this book is of 12 winter romance stories by multiple authors such as Stephanie Perkins, Ally Carter, David Levithan, Gayle Forman, Holly Black, Jenny Han, Kelly Link, Kiersten White, Laini Taylor, Matt de la Pena, Myra McEntire, and Rainbow Rowell. Damn, just reading at the line of authors turns me on already. I am so excited to start this book I can't even explain it with words, but if I had to, I would probably explain what I'm feeling with this little smiley; ":')"

5. What's Your Number? (2011)

Ally Darling (Anna Faris) is a thirty-something woman who is struggling to make better decisions with her life. Her boyfriend Rick (Zachary Quinto) breaks up with her when she asks him to attend her sister Daisy's (Ari Graynor) upcoming wedding, and she then gets laid off from her job. While taking the subway home, Ally comes across a Marie Claire magazine article entitled "What's Your Number?", which says that women who have more than twenty lovers in their lifetime have difficulty finding a husband. After making a list of all the men she slept with, she realizes that her number is nineteen, making her decide not to have sex with anyone else until she finds "the one". She then wakes up after Daisy's bachelorette party and discovers that she hooked up with her ex-boss Roger (Joel McHale). Hoping to miss an awkward confrontation, Ally lets her neighbor Colin Shea (Chris Evans) into her apartment so that way Roger will leave. It turns out that Colin was only over to avoid a girl that he slept with, because he doesn't want to give the women he sees any expectations. Ally then runs into "Disgusting Donald" (Chris Pratt), her once overweight ex-boyfriend who's now successful and good-looking. She decides to track down all of her ex-boyfriends in the hope that one of them will have grown into the man she wants to marry, and therefore the number of men she has slept with will never have to increase. She gets help from Colin in exchange for letting him stay in her place after his one-night stands, but things do not quite work out the way she had expected and Ally remembers why it didn't work out with those men in the first place. After a falling out with Colin, Ally thinks she finally finds her match - an old flame, Jake Adams (Dave Annable). She attends her sister's wedding with Jake only to realize that the man she truly loves is Colin. Ally runs across the city to find Colin and the two reunite with a kiss. Afterwards, Ally gets a call from an old boyfriend (Aziz Ansari) telling her that they in fact did not sleep together. Ally rejoices in the fact that Colin is indeed the 20th and last man she ever slept with.

Wow... I just copied the plot from Wikipedia lol #sorrynotsorry. I re-watched this movie for like the tenth time yesterday and it still brought me to tears! From laughing. It's just so refreshingly stupid; the kind that will make you think "the fuck? Do this really happen in real life?"

Don't forget to spread love and be nice to everyone!
Signing off;
- Mutiara Primaster
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Just... Start.

"Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just…start."

~ Ijeoma Umebinyuo

- Mutiara Primaster

Sexual Empowerment vs. Sexual Objectification

Committing to a sexually empowered lifestyle means deciding you matter, your desires matter, your boundaries matter and your sexual health matters. Man or woman, sexually active or not, sexual empowerment is an essential component of creating a community with zero tolerance for sexual violence.

The question is whether feeling empowered and being empowered are the same thing and whether empowerment is merely a feeling or should be connected to power and autonomy in other spheres. Feeling emboldened sexually is not the same as empowered.
~ Lamb, 2010

So, what is the difference between sexual empowerment and sexual objectification, really? Since both are pretty much the same. The answer is actually really simple; it lays on who has the power.
To get more specific details on the matter, check out this very informative and carefully drawn comic by Ronnie Ritchie :

- Mutiara Primaster
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One Direction On The Road Again: Jakarta, March 25th 2015

This post was waaaaaay long overdue.
I finally got to meet the loves of my life. Got pretty sick spot, near the second stage thing (that's how me and the gang call it, if that's not what it's called then my apologies). I skipped 4 classes in total for One Direction all important difficult level classes but it's ok I'll do anything for One Direction.

This shittest thing for me, though, is that we tried to find them in Jakarta because Liam tweeted that they landed right but turned out
THEY HADN'T EVEN LANDED UNTIL THE AFTERNOON BEFORE THE CONCERT you might believe this or not but it is what happened and I am truly gutted because we wasted all that time for them but they weren't even here??? But it's ok any time spent with these gals are never gone wasted.

The thing that I regret most though, is Zayn quitting the band. And "Modest!" announced the "official" statement through facebook right after our show. I remember I was waiting for Rara's dad's car on a bus shelter in front of Hotel Mulia with Evel, Abel, Rara, and Wirid and we cried like the world is ending.... #wemissyouzayn

The view from our room

- Mutiara Primaster