Just... Start.

"Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just…start."

~ Ijeoma Umebinyuo

- Mutiara Primaster

Sexual Empowerment vs. Sexual Objectification

Committing to a sexually empowered lifestyle means deciding you matter, your desires matter, your boundaries matter and your sexual health matters. Man or woman, sexually active or not, sexual empowerment is an essential component of creating a community with zero tolerance for sexual violence.

The question is whether feeling empowered and being empowered are the same thing and whether empowerment is merely a feeling or should be connected to power and autonomy in other spheres. Feeling emboldened sexually is not the same as empowered.
~ Lamb, 2010

So, what is the difference between sexual empowerment and sexual objectification, really? Since both are pretty much the same. The answer is actually really simple; it lays on who has the power.
To get more specific details on the matter, check out this very informative and carefully drawn comic by Ronnie Ritchie :



- Mutiara Primaster
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One Direction On The Road Again: Jakarta, March 25th 2015

This post was waaaaaay long overdue.
So.
I finally got to meet the loves of my life. Got pretty sick spot, near the second stage thing (that's how me and the gang call it, if that's not what it's called then my apologies). I skipped 4 classes in total for One Direction all important difficult level classes but it's ok I'll do anything for One Direction.



This shittest thing for me, though, is that we tried to find them in Jakarta because Liam tweeted that they landed right but turned out
THEY HADN'T EVEN LANDED UNTIL THE AFTERNOON BEFORE THE CONCERT you might believe this or not but it is what happened and I am truly gutted because we wasted all that time for them but they weren't even here??? But it's ok any time spent with these gals are never gone wasted.







The thing that I regret most though, is Zayn quitting the band. And "Modest!" announced the "official" statement through facebook right after our show. I remember I was waiting for Rara's dad's car on a bus shelter in front of Hotel Mulia with Evel, Abel, Rara, and Wirid and we cried like the world is ending.... #wemissyouzayn

The view from our room




- Mutiara Primaster

My Apologies.

I love you, and it’s eating me alive inch by inch and I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think, fucking hell I can’t even breathe and what is my purpose in this world if I can’t even breathe, God please tell me because I need to know. I am slowly losing my sanity and I can’t erase you from my mind, I can’t even pause you from my mind.
Every time I climb down my stairs I see you, I see you in your black T shirt sitting at the end of that stupid fucking uncomfortable bench and even though I made you wait an hour you were still sat there smiling as if my presence was worth more than comfy couches and oh God I am slowly losing myself again.
Only with you did I feel like I shouldn’t let anyone treat me the way I don’t want to be treated and please teach me how to keep my chin up because I can’t, I can’t do this without you and every bone in my body is screaming for your touch, I’m cold, I’m cold and shaking and I can see white fog coming out of my mouth when the sun is up high. I’m cold, I’m cold and lonely and the only cure is your hug but you’re not there, you’re never coming back and I shouldn’t be writing all these down because it’s your birthday but I can’t, you asked me to but I can’t, I’m sorry I failed you, and I’m sorry but I can’t.
I’m struggling to wake up in the morning, it’s hard without you, it’s unbearable and I smell, I smell because I don’t feel like taking care of myself without you, you make me want to feel pretty and if you’re not there then what’s the point, what’s the point.
I hope you come back soon, I hope you come home soon and I will be here you know I will be here and I can’t wait to see you again even if it’s from afar and I won’t get to be the one beside you making you laugh every night and the one who scolds you for forgetting to close the goddamn bathroom door yet again and for sleeping on the desk please don’t sleep on your desk I know you might have a lot to study on but please I want you to be healthy and have long life and healthy spine and please I love you, for whistling at night because I hear it calls for demons and oh my god there are so many things I wish I get to do for you but I can’t anymore and it kills me but it’s ok I’m okay it’s your birthday and you’re getting older and I hope you’re happy and I say and a lot but how am I supposed to construct words beautifully when I can’t even breathe and I know it’s over and it’s ok and I hope you understand I don’t know what it is that I want you to understand but I hope you do.
I’m sorry for being selfish I’m sorry it is your birthday and it’s supposed to be about you but this page is all about me me me me and how pathetic I am and I am sorry and I love you and I am sorry.


- Mutiara Primaster
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April 2015

I'm slipping again. I'm not soft like you believe me to be. I'm a hole in the goddamn ozone layer and I'm swallowing toxins as if they can repair me. I feel like I'm holding my breath. I just can't let you go quite yet. There's so much more we can have and although there's nothing written in stone, I already can't breathe thinking that something could cause the tides to rise like they would in a storm. I want you. I want to make you giddy but I am the storm. I am the stone wall and as fragile as the bricks that built me. I am the fucking storm, shield your eyes.